Simple Words 12/22/2015

then go

and do as you please

please yourself

with trivial pursuits

and shallow people

give no thought 

to what is real

morning comes

the sun still shines

and life goes on

my feet are on the ground

as i gaze out on that piece of driftwood

carrying you downstream 

blue is a color too

~~~

~Lia~

12//22/2015

(Simple words written this morning when I opened my eyes)

Simple Words 12/21/2015

dreams don't die

they just get buried deep down

in the mediocrity of daily living 

and  the uncertainty of minds

muddled with doubt

till they push their way back to the surface

into the light of hope 

where they shine brightly

to remind us that anything is possible

if only we believe

~Lia~

12/21/2015

(Simple words written on a quiet night in December when I remembered to believe)







*

Simple Words 12/20/2015

comes a time

to tuck the smiles 

into my heart

along with the memories

and all the beautiful words

that were penned 

when hope was new

and dreams were real

comes a time

when there is no doubt

that the time has come

to say goodbye

it is the end of the road

for you

and i

♥♥♥

~Lia~

12/20/2015

(simple words written when the time had come)

Baloon~ Part Two

and then there are those other balloons

you know, the ones you bring into your house for special occasions

mylar balloons, tough little buggers on the outside

they usually get tied down to keep them in place until the party is over

i think they secretly love being tied down and on display

where everyone can admire them for their shiny exterior

no one thinks about them being bloated up with air on the inside

they are cool until the party is over and you untie them

that is when they become annoying

they float around from room to room hovering over your head

somehow they seem to follow you no matter which room you are in

there they are, those damned balloons, hovering

looking down at you from high above as if they are somehow better than you

every now and then as they hover overhead they get caught in the ceiling fan

thwup thwup thwup thwup

it always seems to happen when you have managed to escape to another room

and it scares they crap out of you

i think they do it on purpose just to get attention

by then, they know you are getting tired of them

after a few times of pulling this stunt, they begin to weaken

and then you notice they are not hovering above, but are hovering at eye level

that's when they really get annoying,

getting in your face

following you around

looking at you with that stupid look

like "here i am, notice me"

you sit down and there they are in your face again

 with their smug look

as if to say "i am still here, you can't get rid of me"

so you smack them out of the way 

and hope they float off into another room

or just suddenly deflate and be gone

after awhile they seem to lose hope and they get even weaker

they go hang out in the corner and you barely notice them for days

you forget about them as you sit down to read a book

and then they seem to come back to life and start floating around once more

they appear in your peripheral vision while you are relaxing

and scare the crap out of you all over again

they always look like some intruder waiting in the shadows to kill you

this happens for about three days

and then you get fed up and start to plan their demise

and one day, you just do it

you grab them as they hover next to you with that smirk on their shiny balloon face

and you squeeze them, hard, trying to strangle the life out of them

but even in their weakened state, they are tough to kill

so you get up from your comfortable spot on the sofa

walk into the kitchen

grab a steak knife

and plunge it in

^^^^^^^^^^^^


(Not so simple words unless you really "get" me , written on a November morning and afternoon when I decided I would not go down so easily )

~Lia 11/6/2015

last simple post for awhile

no more simple words

i have laid them down by the imaginary door

the imaginary door i will walk through

on my way out of of this imaginary life

that never really existed

except as a series of ones and zeros

which i don't understand with my imaginary mind

i won't look back with my imaginary eyes

nor will i feel a thing with my imaginary feelings

when i shut the door on this chapter of my imaginary

imagination

which served to entertain all of you

who were nothing more than figments of my imagination

which i lost somewhere out there in the real world

i am off to find my imagination in the real world

to see if it is really real

and if it is really real, my imagination

i will pick it up and put it back where it belongs

and maybe then i will return

and put my imagination to good use

in this imaginary world

of ones and zeros

( imaginary simple words written on an imaginary November night when I got pissed off at an imaginary person that I imagined I cared about , and decided to blow this joint, at least temporarily )


~Lia 11/5/2015

Leaking memories

There are things in life that have no good reason and no good explanation.

Bad things happen to good people  and evil seems to be rewarded .

I lost my mom when I was ten years old .  To this day I cannot think about her without shedding a tear. People say to move on past the pain and the grief and for the most part I have. I focus on the good memories I have of her . All the little things we used to do together .  She was a beautiful person,and a wonderful mom to myself and my siblings. I smile when I think of her, but sometimes I still suffer the pain of loss and even those good memories cause a tear to fall.  I allow myself that brief moment of grief.  I don't feel bad for feeling bad.

Two years ago I lost my infant grandson . I still cry when I think of the pain I watched my daughter go through , knowing she held him in her arms as he struggled to breathe, then struggled to die.
I cry when I remember holding his lifeless body in my arms and irrationally thinking that if we could just take him home, he would be ok.  That somehow we could bring  life back to him.  I cry when I remember how cold and callous some of the nurses were . How they told my daughter they would dispose of the body as if it were trash because he was born too early to be considered a person .
I hate people  who believe that .  I held a perfectly formed little  boy in my arms that day.
I cry for all of the little babies who are slaughtered in their  mother's womb because life has no meaning  to people these days.  But that is subject for another time and place.  I don't want anger to invade my thoughts today.

I'm  60 years old so I have a lot of memories and some of them are painful and sometimes I cry.

 I allow myself those moments because each tear that is shed  helps to heal and helps me to continue on in this life.

Don't be afraid to let those memories leak out from time to time....and yes, even you men.  Real men DO cry.

*********************************

Have a beautiful day my friends and know that you are loved.  ♥♥♥

Balloon~

Imagine standing outside holding a balloon filled with helium

Notice how it tries to escape with every gust of wind or gentle breeze ?

You try your best to hold on , but sooner or later it escapes your grasp ,

or sometimes you just let it go to watch it soar into the sky and far away.

In an instant it is gone, out of sight . 

It doesn't keep floating back down to get in your face 

to remind you that you once held it in your hand.

Balloons aren't that cruel 

But the thing is ...

Once that balloon escapes your grasp and soars away -

You realize that sooner rather than later that balloon is going to deflate 

and fall to the ground    ( or get stuck in a tree )  

Never to soar again .

Kind of sad ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~

( Simple words written on a peaceful November morning when I let go , Goodbye balloon  )

~Lia 11/4/2015

through your words I felt your heart

but now there are no words

and I have grown numb

and soon I will grow cold

and distant 

like you

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

( simple words written on a quiet November night when I realized how easily I had been abandoned )

~Lia 11/3/2015

dream

i dreamed that i woke up

and you were gone

you were nowhere to be found

no matter where i looked

and when i woke up 

i could not find you

no matter where i looked

you were nowhere to be found

it was then that i realized

you were always just a dream

and somewhere in the night

you drifted away 

back to the stars

from whence you came


************

( simple words written upon awakening from a dream )

~Lia 11/1/2015

thursday

i think everyone got the wrong idea about yesterday's post about that man from British Columbia

it's not what some of you think

i only wrote it because it still to this day amazes me that some small gesture on my part is remembered almost 16 years later


and that someone is not afraid to tell me every year that they love me for what i did which to me was  not a big deal

i'm glad i made a difference for someone just by listening

that's all

listen

I used to use yahoomail for my main email account. That was years ago. I have since switched to my email through my internet provider for important things and gmail for communicating with online friends.

But I can't close my yahoo mail .  I've had that account for many years and I get love letters in that email.

Yes, love letters.  Years ago and I can't remember in what forum, a man from British Columbia fell in love with me. And he has written me love letters ever since 2000 .  I don't get them often, only once or twice a year, but they are still coming after all this time.  He calls me his angel.  He has my picture hanging on the wall in his house.  And he actually took a picture of his wall to show me my picture on his wall.

Why does he love me ?  Because I saved his life according to him. 

Don't misunderstand though. There are no illusions of any sort of real life in the flesh relationship.

But he loves me I have no doubt.

Because I saved his life by giving him the will to live .

How?

Because I cared enough to listen to him.

That's all I did.  

I listened when he had no one else to listen.

It's something we can all do.

Try it sometime. Keep your mouth shut and just

Listen

simple words -- October 25, 2015

it's kind of strange,
i hear birds outside in the darkness of the night
normally i hear them only in the daytime
i'm not sure why that is
maybe i don't listen for them in the night
i don't know,
but
they sound distressed

i'm not feeling it tonight
not feeling that joy of living
tonight i am feeling something else
a question
what is the point ?
i mean really, what is the point ?

it all just seems ...

i don't know really
don't know the word to describe
what it all seems
but it's not good
it's just, well, pointless

there is a deadness in the air
a dry , withering, wasting away
the earth giving up
falling apart, collapsing beneath our feet      
it's tired

disintegrating , crumbling, broken
beneath the feet of men
who don't care

is there hope ?
or
no hope
can we know hope
in a world full of madness ?

hopeless, helpless, wounded, broken

all the world in disarray

tomorrow is another day

goodnight

~~~~~~~~~~~~


(simple words written on October 25th when I felt something ... or nothing )



Lia~   10/25/2015

do you remember ?

I wonder if you remember the day

the day I told you I was going to leave

In the beginning , when we had just met

I told you I was getting out of that place

that I didn't fit in, didn't like being there

in that place I call "the asylum"

where our paths first crossed .

I wonder if you remember that day

and what you said to me

when I said I was leaving.

I remember those two simple words

"Don't go" , you said

And in that moment

my heart melted and I knew

I could not leave you

not then, not now, not ever ...


           
          ♥♥♥♥



( simple words written on a late night in October  when I recalled a moment in time )



Lia ~   10/20/2015




A cover of Amos Lee's "Stay With Me" sung by another great person I  met online years ago . A young man by the name of Tom Meny.    I thought this song quite fitting.

More simple words

i don't know what i expected

nor what i wanted

nor what i needed

from all this

i just know it felt nice

when words were spoken

to me

by virtual strangers

who became friends

as well as friends can be

here in the twilight zone

where i couldn't see

or touch

or hear

but somehow i could "feel" you

and that was the best part of it all

                 ♥♥♥♥


( simple words written on a windy October afternoon as I pondered whether it was time to unplug from  all this technology )

 Lia ~  10/18/2015

dumb

i didn't have anything to say

i tried and tried and tried all day

i was tired and weary

but i tried to write

all day long into the night

no words would come

i've been struck dumb

still nothing to say

tomorrow is another day

and i will try again

so maybe then

but if there are none

i will be done

at least for awhile

did that make you smile ?  (haha, had to end this some how!)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


( a few simple words written on an  October evening after trying but failing this morning)



~Lia 10/14/2015

unraveled

never mind 

it is beyond repair

but it can never be said that I didn't try

string by string

thread by thread

fiber by fiber

i  tried

it finally just broke

and i began to fall

good thing i have a parachute ~

********

( simple words written on a sunny October morning when I realized the light will continue to shine and I would not crash  to the ground this time around )

Lia~  10/13/2015

Lately you've been flapping your wings

As if you need to be set free

Look around 

You have never been confined by a cage

Nor will you ever be

Look around 

You have always been free

Free to fly away

So why are you still here ?

^^^^^^^

( Very simple words written on a cool October morning when I saw a feather floating to the ground and thought about you  )

Lia~  10/12/2015

a stranger ?

Everywhere I looked tonight, I found you

I found your words, your face, your photographs

And though your face seemed so familiar

I felt like you were a stranger

And yet, how can that be ?

For awhile we were so close

But perhaps that was only in my mind

Still, I could have sworn we had touched 

Maybe in another place, another time

I wish I could remember

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


( very simple words written on a dark October night when I realized I no longer knew you )


~Lia  10/11/2015